Stop making motherhood a competition

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{This may be why we are raising narcissistic children}

 

I remember clearly when my daughter was five months old and a baby her same age started crawling. She wasn’t even close to being there yet.

 

I was jealous. I wanted my daughter to be the overachiever. I wanted to be able to slyly gloat on social media about how advanced she is for her age.

 

I have always been pretty competitive. I’m the person who needs all the board games to be played fairly. I’m not a sore loser, but I am not going to accept defeat unless we abide by the rules.

 

There is no space in motherhood for this petty competition.

 

It doesn’t just happen when our kids are infants...it’s when they win the honor roll, when they score the most goals in soccer, when they show “how much more mature” they are than their peers.

 

Stop with the competing. Our kids are not trophies. They don’t need extra praise and attention for meeting the milestones first. The last thing we need in this lonely yet brave path of motherhood is to lead with comparisonitis. Our children all develop and learn at their own pace. They are beautiful in their unfolding. Let them be, support your fellow mama in her unique journey as guardian to her children.

 

We are raising a narcissistic generation of kids. Our kids. My brother in law, who is a teacher and has done extensive research on this epidemic, would say that it stems primarily from the parents outlook. We think our kids are so special, so unique. We tell them that, revolve the world around them and make them feel like the ocean should part ways for them.

 

They are special, unique and incredible. But we don’t need to shower them with praise or gloat their achievements to the entire world. Let them explore, grow and thrive on their own. Observe, celebrate wildly inside, show them that you are there if they need you.

 

I was very hesitant to post a video of my now 5 month old son crawling. I didn’t want to invite competition into his “early” milestone. I love to watch him develop and love to share that with our loved ones to see what he’s up to. I’m actually overwhelmed at the fact that he’s crawling and pulling himself up already and thought I would get more time before I had to babyproof everything. But I am not gloating like I know I would have been with my daughter. I don’t feel a sense of achievement like I know I would have four years ago. He’s a baby, just making his way through the world in the way he wants, just as all of our children are.

 

Have you participated in this competition too? Have you been on the other side of it?